


Scotch And Cigarettes

by thatmitchsentho



Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: AAAANGST, Angst, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-05
Updated: 2016-12-05
Packaged: 2018-09-06 16:42:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8760931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatmitchsentho/pseuds/thatmitchsentho
Summary: Aubrey is drowning her sorrows in scotch because she stupidly ruined the best thing she's ever had. Then she decides she can either sit at the bar all night or she could get off of her ass and do something about it. (There's some angst in here.)





	

Aubrey Posen sat down at the bar with a huff. This wedding was an absolute nightmare. Her cousin Samantha was marrying some business banking type suit and the entire place was packed out with happy couples.

She was here on her own, and it seemed like every single person at the reception made sure she heard about it. An endless stream of aunts and uncles and friends of the family were stopping by to tell her she'd find her true love soon enough, but let's just focus on Samantha and Derek tonight okay? Aubrey knew this wasn't the time or place to tell Aunt Elizabeth to go fuck herself, so instead she ordered a double scotch on the rocks and sipped it as she surveyed the room.

Sure they all looked happy, out there. She knew what that felt like. Because she'd already found the love of her goddamned life but like a total and complete idiot, she'd ruined everything. They should be the ones getting married, it so easily could have been them.

Beca had been her everything. And their story would be enough to make even the most seasoned romantic happy. They'd met in college and instantly clashed. Aubrey had even called Beca a bitch at their first interaction. They butted heads whenever they were together, but found themselves needing to rely on each other if they were going to win a national acapella title. And after their last performance, when they'd been crowned national champs, Beca had cornered her during their hotel-based after party and kissed her until she was breathless. She hadn't minded one bit and they ended up spending the night in a whirlwind of what Aubrey would later admit was the best sex she'd had in her life to date.

The relationship had been surprisingly easy from that point. They fought from time to time but if was normally because someone was being stubborn. But more than that, they'd loved each other fiercely. It was unlike any other love she'd experienced, and she'd thought they'd be happy forever.

But things changed. Aubrey finished med school and started working crazy hours. Beca turned her internship into a real engineering job. And then she'd ended up working on a track with Kesha that had ended up being the sleeper hit of the summer and she'd turned into a megastar overnight. She was suddenly in demand and was working hours like Aubrey had never dreamed. One marathon of a recording session had gone twenty six hours.

It was then that Aubrey had grown resentful. She missed Beca. It was bad enough that her own hours were so unreliable but now they barely saw each other. When they did, they fought more and more until Aubrey launched a full out assault. Beca didn't speak a word, simply stood there dumbly as the blonde exploded and ranted and declared the relationship over. When she was done she had expected a fight or a comment or anything. Beca simply wiped her eyes, picked up her jacket and closed the door quietly on the way out. When she'd come home from the hospital the next day, Beca had already moved all of her things out and left her keys on the kitchen counter.

She knew it was stupid and petty and dumb, so she tried to call and apologise, a lot. She knew she'd been unfair. She knew she had been more than unreasonable. But Beca wasn't interested; she simply didn't answer when Aubrey called. When Chloe called on Aubrey's behalf, she refused, saying that Aubrey had unilaterally ended the relationship, and if she was to have no say in how and when it ended, Aubrey didn't get the right to try and start it up again. That had hurt but it was fair.

Except now Aubrey was motioning to the bartender for another double and wondering how she'd ever been so dumb as to let the best thing that had ever happened to her get away. How she'd turned into a possessive monster, declaring that Beca should be home at her say so, it was pure insanity. All the idiots at this wedding would never know love like what she'd had - and ruined - with Beca.

Beca should have been sitting with her at this god damned bar with a matching glass of scotch, the two of them laughing at all of the Posen clan in their obnoxiously showy glory. And after they'd gotten hammered they'd make out on the dance-floor until someone declared they were making a scene. And Beca would flip them off, they'd call a cab and Beca's hands would be under her dress before they'd even closed the front door.

It was this reimagining of how the night should have gone that finally turned her displeasure into anguish and she choked back a sob. Because Beca should have been here, she should have, and the only reason she wasn't was because of her own stupid actions. She'd be here in a little black dress, wearing the ear spike that Aubrey loved and her father grimaced seeing, she'd be in her arms and kissing her and she wouldn't be crying at the bar into her scotch.

She plucked a napkin from the stack at the bar and wiped at her eyes before motioning for another drink. The bartender eyed her.

"Are you driving tonight?"

"I beg your pardon?" Aubrey asked.

"I've poured you a few double scotch on the rocks in past hour," he said. "I wanna make sure you're not driving." Aubrey sighed and plucked her car keys from her purse and handed them over. He swapped her the keys for another drink.

"You can pick them up tomorrow," he said. Aubrey nodded. "What's your name?"

"Aubrey," she said. "And just give them to the gentleman at table two with the red pocket square. That's my father. And you may as well pour me another."

"Is it too cliché to ask what's got you so down?" he asked politely.

"Same thing that causes everyone else to get drunk and cry at weddings," Aubrey said. "I had the love of my life and I pushed her away because I'm a selfish, stupid dumbass and nothing has felt right since she left but there's nothing I can do about it because it's all my fault."

"Ah," he said. "I'm sorry. What's her name?"

"Beca," Aubrey said, taking the next glass. "And she was the entire fucking world." The bartender nodded. He was about to speak when an elderly woman approached Aubrey.

"Aubrey, there you are," she said.

"Hi, Nan," Aubrey said wearily.

"I've been looking for that firecracker of a girlfriend of yours," she said. "I haven't seen her all night, you know. She tickles me. What's her name?" Aubrey's stomach churned violently and she sucked in a gasp like she'd been punched.

"Beca," Aubrey said. "Her name was Beca, Nan. She's not here tonight." Because I ruined it. Because I sent her away. Because I screamed at her. Because I'm a horrible person.

"Well, you girls should come visit your old Nan next time you have a few minutes spare," she said, patting Aubrey's pale cheek. Aubrey could only manage a nod. The bartender slid another drink across the bar without being asked and Aubrey downed it in one go. She pressed her fingers to her temples and tried to will the tears that had begun coursing down her cheeks to stop. But they paid no mind to her silent wishes. She felt someone press another napkin into her hand and opened her eyes.

"Can you call me a taxi?" Aubrey asked. "I can't do this anymore. I can't stand here and pretend to be happy when I'm not."

"Sure I can," he said. "They generally show up in five to ten minutes."

"Thank you," Aubrey said. She dug into her purse and slid him two folded twenties. "For you. I appreciate your scotch and your commiserations." He inclined his head in a nod and dialed for a cab. Aubrey slipped out unnoticed, and a few minutes later she was climbing into the backseat of a taxi, giving the driver her address. She let her head fall to the back of the seat and closed her eyes. She beat her head on the headrest a few times. She could have drunk a thousand scotches but it wasn't going to do a damn thing to fill the aching void that Beca had left behind.

"Excuse me," Aubrey said.

"Are you going to throw up?" the man asked nervously.

"No," she said, "I was wondering how much longer your shift is."

"Only been on for about an hour," he said. "I got all night."

"If I give you my credit card can you take me somewhere else? It's pretty far away," she said.

"How far?" he asked.

"About two hours," she said. "Is that too far?"

"It's gonna cost you a fair bit to go that far," he said.

"Money isn't a worry," she said. "Will you take me?"

"Sure," he said. Aubrey thanked him and gave him a new address, one she'd stolen out of her best friend's address book when she wasn't looking, one she shouldn't have but had memorized. He pulled over temporarily to put the address into his GPS and Aubrey gave him her credit card before she settled back into the seat.

It was a long trip, but soon enough Aubrey was on the far side of the city, credit card tucked back into her purse and was staring at the front door of a brownstone, unsure if the nausea she was feeling was due to nerves or alcohol. She didn't even register that it was approaching two in the morning. She just wanted to see her, to tell her she was wrong and that she missed her. And more than that she wanted to tell her that she loved her and her life had been nothing since they'd been apart.

She stumbled on the top step slightly, the late hour mixing with the scotch to make her clumsy, and knocked firmly on the door. She heard nothing, but knocked again, louder. She heard a faint swearword being yelled through the house and knocked again. This time there was a thundering noise as someone angrily came down the stairs, promising no end to the violence they would be receiving if this wasn't a dire emergency. Then the door between them opened, and Beca's face fell into a blank expression. They stared at each other in silence, before Aubrey figured she should say something. She opened her mouth, but no words formed on her lips, she just began to cry again. She brought her glassy eyes up to meet Beca's, and the brunette didn't say a word, she just swung the door open as an invitation to come inside.

Aubrey followed Beca through the darkened hallway to her kitchen, taking the offered seat at the counter. The brunette flicked the coffee maker on and then disappeared. She returned with a box of Kleenex and some aspirin. Aubrey blew her nose and wiped her eyes, and then took two of the aspirin with some water Beca had placed in front of her, still not saying a word. But she was staring intently at the blonde with a furrowed brow. Aubrey felt ridiculous.

"What do you want, Aubrey?" Beca said. It wasn't angry, it wasn't cool and even and painfully detached.

"I needed to see you."

"Why?" Beca asked. The coffee finished, so she poured two cups, choosing to stand on the opposite side of the counter. "Why did you need to come and see me at two in the morning on a Sunday?" Neither girl moved for the coffee.

"I was at my cousin's wedding," Aubrey said. "And all I kept thinking was that it should have been us. Nobody's better than we were when we were together. Or you should have at least been there with me. But whatever, I know I fucked it up and I needed to come and tell you I was wrong, and I'm sorry, and I miss you."

"And?" Beca asked. "It's not that easy, Aubrey, you were an asshole to me. And I fucking deserve better than that."

"I know," Aubrey said, beginning to tear up again. "But I need to make it right because my life is so empty without you in it. It's so empty I couldn't even be happy for my cousin on her wedding day. I just wanted to drink myself stupid and cry to the guy pouring my scotch." Beca sighed.

"Come on," Beca said.

"Where?" Aubrey asked.

"Upstairs," Beca said. "You're shitfaced. I don't want to talk about this with you until you've sobered the fuck up. Because it's all well and good to apologize to me, but if it's the scotch apologizing, I'm not interested." Aubrey nodded dumbly and both girls abandoned their drinks on the bench. She followed Beca upstairs and was shown to a guest room. She nervously sat on the edge of the bed and waited as Beca returned with a towel and washcloth.

"For the morning," she said shortly. "Get some sleep." Aubrey latched on to her hand.

"Beca, please-" but the brunette shook her hand off.

"Get some fucking sleep and talk to me when you're sober," she said. She closed the door none-too-quietly. Aubrey fell back onto the bed and stared up at the ceiling. She was an idiot. But knowing Beca wouldn't talk, she kicked her heels off and unzipped her dress, climbed into the bed and fell asleep.

The next morning she woke without knowing what time it was. At least mid-morning. She could hear signs of life downstairs, so she knew Beca was awake. She felt like hell. She opened the bedroom door and saw the bathroom was across the hall, deciding to shower straight away, wrapping herself in the towel to dart across.

By the time she was done, Beca had visited the guest room and picked her dress up, draping it over the back of the armchair. She'd also left a folded pile of clothes at the end of the bed. Aubrey picked them up and saw immediately they couldn't be Beca's because they were too long. They would be too long on her, even. She figured they most probably belonged to Stacie. At least she hoped so, because otherwise Beca had some other five foot eight girl in her house on a regular enough basis for her to be leaving clothes behind. She dressed quickly and headed downstairs.

Beca was sitting at the kitchen table eating cereal and flicking through what looked like sheet music on an iPad. It was a sight she'd seen a thousand times and the familiarity of it made her chest ache. The brunette looked up as she came in.

"Hey," she said. "How do you feel?"

"Shitty," Aubrey said. "Got any more aspirin?" Beca got up and got the pills, and some water, and Aubrey tentatively sat opposite her.

"Clothes fit okay? They're Stacie's," Beca said. Aubrey nodded.

"They're fine," Aubrey said. "Um, I'm really sorry about last night. Or this morning, whatever, it was really rude of me to just show up here completely wasted like that."

"It's fine."

"No it's not," Aubrey said. "Nothing about this whole situation is fine, Beca. Because I'm sober now and I still love you and I miss you and I hate myself for what I did. I'm sorry. I know it doesn't help, and it's just a word, but I am genuinely sorry. And I need to know if you can ever forgive me so we can try and get what we had back." Her ex-girlfriend just stared at her for a few minutes.

"Did you know you yelled at me for thirty eight minutes?" Beca finally said quietly. "I didn't say a single word in response, or retaliation. You yelled at me about how I'm never home. How you never get to see me. How we're too different. For thirty eight straight minutes."

"Beca…"

"Don't," she said, cutting her off sharply. "It's my turn to talk. Because you decided all on your own that we were done, even though I'd done nothing. Because all I did, Aubrey, and what you didn't realize, was everything that you'd already done."

"What?"

"Think about it," Beca said. "How many nights did I sit alone while you were in med school? During residency? During night shifts? And I never fucking yelled at you like that. I didn't complain about the missed dinner dates, the time you forgot to pick me up from work, the time you missed my birthday drinks with the girls. Because I got it. Being a doctor is your dream job, and I was happy to support you in it. But at the first sign of my career taking off, it was too much for you." Aubrey knew this was all true. She knew she'd overreacted.

"So how do you think I felt?" Beca said. Her voice was starting to get shaky. "Knowing that not only were you not understanding of a really important career progression, one that I'd worked hard at and dreamed of for years, you used it as a tool to break up with me. My success played second fiddle to yours. I didn't even see it coming. Fucking hell, Aubrey, I'd come home that day to take you away for the weekend, and instead you dumped me with no warning. You should have been happy for me, dammit."

"I'm sorry," Aubrey said weakly. "I'm so sorry. Everything you said was true. I am an insensitive asshole. I'm self involved and a disgraceful girlfriend. I'm a hypocrite and a jerk and I don't deserve you. But god damn it, Beca, I still love you. Breaking up with you was the worst decision of my life. I can't sleep through the night without waking up and missing the smell of your shampoo on the fucking pillow for Christ sake."

"Yeah, but that doesn't help me," Beca said. "How do I even know anything's going to change? Because I'm even busier now than I was two months ago. How do I know you're not going to break up with me again while I'm working?"

"Because now I know that I'm a stupid, selfish moron for getting jealous of your job," Aubrey said. "And I've seen how much I need you in my life, how completely pathetic I am without you. You should have been able to work a million hours and still count on me for support, and for that I'm sorry."

"I need a fucking cigarette," Beca muttered, raking a hand through her hair.

"When did you start smoking?" Aubrey asked.

"When do you think?" Beca asked bitterly. "I was a god damned wreck, and I couldn't just up and take a vacation or drink my ass off. It's not your fault it's just what I needed to do to get through. And I know it's bad for me, I just..." she shook her head.

"I don't know if we'll ever be able to get that back," Beca said. "Because you were my universe, Aubrey. I gave you everything I knew how to give. I was basically ready to marry you, and you crushed me in a single conversation that I didn't even get to be a part of." Aubrey was crying again, and she was sure she was starting to dehydrate.

"I would do anything Beca, anything I need to get you back," she said. "Just tell me if you still love me."

"Of course I still fucking love you," Beca said, finally breaking into silent tears of her own. "I love you more than anything. But I can't trust you not to hurt me like that again. I'm afraid if I let you back in I'll just get annihilated all over again. You have the power to absolutely destroy me Aubrey, and you came really close."

"I know," Aubrey said. "And karma is a bitch because I almost destroyed you, but I did destroy me. I have nothing without you, Beca. Everything feels so empty without you. Please say we can try again, that you can forgive me."

"I need a cigarette," she said again. "And I need some time, Aubrey. And some space." Aubrey swallowed hard.

"That's fair," Aubrey said. "I've already wasted enough of your time."

"Just - wait a minute, okay?" Beca said. "I'm not saying no, you get that right? I'm saying that I don't know how we're going to be able to go back to the way we used to be, but I still love you. I just need some time to figure out how the fuck I'm going to do this. Because it would be so easy for me to just throw myself back into this thing with you, but that's not a good idea. I don't think it's too much to ask for a little space so I can figure this out. Because you decided we were done and I had no say, and now you've showed up here with no warning as well. I need to be able to have some equal footing in this fucking relationship, okay? I shouldn't be dictated to like this."

"No, I understand," Aubrey said. "Um, I should go, though. Can you call me a cab?"

"Yeah," Beca sighed. "I can do that." She disappeared to fetch her cell phone and called the taxi. She'd also apparently found her cigarettes, shoving a pack into her pocket with a zippo lighter.

"So what do we do now?" Aubrey asked.

"Can I call you next weekend?" Beca asked. "I'm not blowing you off, I swear."

"That's fine," Aubrey said. "I'm just glad you're willing to think about it."

"Damn it Aubrey, you're all over every single part of me, how can you not see that?" Beca asked, rubbing her face with her open hand. "I'm never not going to love you, I don't think I'd even know how to do that." Aubrey just nodded and then went upstairs to collect her things. Beca brought her a garment bag for her dress and a pair of flip flops to replace her heels. Then they went outside to wait for the taxi, Beca sparking the zippo from her pocket to light her cigarette.

When the taxi arrived, Beca leaned through the window to make sure the driver was okay with a long fare. Then she opened the back door for Aubrey to get in. They looked at each other for a few minutes, before Beca stood on tiptoe and pressed a kiss to Aubrey's forehead.

"I'll call, I promise," she whispered. Aubrey just nodded, not trusting whatever words might come out of her mouth and got into the taxi. She chanced a look back as it drove away, seeing Beca sitting on the steps, cigarette in hand.

When she finally made it home, she showered and drank a bottle of water before crawling back into bed. She woke several hours later to her father calling and informing her he would be dropping her keys off within the hour. So she dragged herself out of bed and undertook another shower, and then two back to back cups of coffee. She was just feeling human again when her father showed up.

"Come in," she said, holding the door for him. "Can I get you something?"

"Tea would be fine," he said. "And I have your keys. The barman passed them on last night."

"Thank you," she said, busying herself making the tea for her father.

"Your mother and I are worried," he said somewhat awkwardly. "We've noticed that you're becoming… emotional. More so than normal, unstable even. You mother has tasked me with finding out if something is the matter." Aubrey didn't speak until she had set the tea down and sat opposite him at the table.

"I didn't mean to trouble you both," she said.

"It is not trouble, Aubrey. If there is something we can help you with, all you need to do is ask."

"It's nothing that you can help me with," she replied. "But I have done what I can, and now I just have to wait."

"You're not normally so cryptic with these sorts of things," her father said curiously.

"It's Beca, dad," she said finally. "I was horrible and demanding and jealous and when she started making some real progress in her professional life I resented it. I broke up with her, made her leave me."

"Aubrey," her father said. "That's… surprising. Your mother and I were both sure that you and Beca were a long term arrangement."

"I'm well aware of how stupid it was. I ended up going to her place last night," she explained. "And she made me wait until I had sobered up this morning to talk to me. I apologized. Asked if we could reconcile. Promised that I would be better for her. She wants some time, which I conceded was only fair given the circumstances."

"She wants time?" her father asked. "Aubrey, Posens are not kept waiting."

"I was unfair to her. She was blindsided by the breakup and she was also blindsided when I turned up at her door at 2am. It's understandable, daddy," she said. "I know I have a very successful career of my own, and I'm financially secure. But this past two months without Beca, it's like none of those things are satisfying. I need her, so if I have to wait, I will wait."

"Very well," he said. "And I trust that if it was your behavior that damaged the relationship-"

"I will not make those mistakes again," Aubrey said. "I can't. Daddy, it's agony without her. I considered myself to always be an independent sort of person, but I need her unlike I need anyone or anything else."

"I must say, Aubrey, that I did not know that you two had been apart so long," he replied. "But it does explain your recent behavior. Will you let us know if you hear from her?"

"Of course," she said. He finished his tea quietly, and then declared that he had to move on. But as they parted on her front doorstep he gave her a brief hug and told her to call her mother. Aubrey closed the door behind him. She really wanted nothing more than to call Beca. Jump back in a taxi, go pick up her car and drive back to Beca's place. But she'd told her she'd give her space, so as much as she wanted to do otherwise, she'd wait out the week.

It was torture, almost. She went back to work and was distracted enough there. But once she got home she spent nights pacing and hoping Beca was going to take her back. Making plans for how she was going to change and make things better. But it was only a few more days and she'd know for sure where they stood.

It was well after midnight on Thursday when her cellphone rang, startling her out of sleep. She groggily reached for the device, in case it was work calling.

"Yes?" she mumbled into the phone. "Who is this?"

"You don't get to do that again, okay?" came a familiar voice.

"Beca?" Aubrey asked. She sat up and tried to rouse herself into a more alert state.

"If we do this Aubrey, you don't get to break up with me again," the other girl said. "Because I love you too fucking much to go through this another time, you hear me?"

"Beca I swear. I just want you. Everything else in my life went to hell without you because all I could focus on was how stupid it was that I lost you," Aubrey said. "Only I didn't lose you, I sent you away. It was all my fault."

"And you get that I still might be cagey for a while?"

"Of course," Aubrey said. "I broke your trust Beca and even if we do still love each other that's going to need some reparation. So you're saying you'll take me back?"

"I'm outside," Beca said and hung up the phone. Aubrey got out of bed, wrapping a robe around herself, and quietly padded toward the front door of the apartment. She left the door unlocked, but closed it, making her way downstairs to the building's door. Then she opened it to find Beca sitting on the steps. There was a small pile of maybe half a dozen cigarette butts at her feet and a lit one in the hand that wasn't holding her cell phone. She was wearing a leather jacket and skinny jeans, and save for the fact that it was semi-dark and she'd obviously spent a lot of time crying, Aubrey could only stare at the beauty of her ex girlfriend.

Girlfriend, maybe. Because as the smaller girl got to her feet and shoved the phone in her pocket, she wasn't trying to break up with her.

"And if we do this Aubrey, you have to include me," Beca said. "Because I wasn't involved in the decision for us to break up. And that's not fair, not for two people who love each other the way we do. For people who are that committed to each other. You gotta fucking talk to me and treat me like we're partners in this."

"Anything you want," Aubrey insisted, stepping toward her.

"That's easy, Aubrey, because the only thing I ever wanted was to know you were mine," Beca said. "Everything else was a bonus."

"And I'm an idiot for ever wanting anything more," Aubrey said, taking her hand.

"But you're my idiot," Beca said quietly. "You're mine." Their eyes met and Beca dropped the half-smoked cigarette, grinding it out with her boot. Her hand found the back of Aubrey's neck pulled her down with a gentle hand to kiss her.

Aubrey was trying not to explode. She'd missed this, the curl of her tongue in her mouth, the gentle teeth and the fingers moving up and running through her hair. She didn't want to let her go, in case this was all some cruel midnight dream. Yes, she tasted like smoke as well, but she honestly didn't care. Because under the acrid taste of the smoke was the taste of Beca. The smoke was soon mixed with salt and Aubrey realized Beca was crying. She pulled back a little and brushed her lips across Beca's forehead before she gathered her in her arms.

"I love you," Beca said through the tears. "Bree, I love you and I missed you so much every fucking day."

"I love you, too. And I'm sorry, Beca. I'm so sorry." Beca's skin was cold from sitting outside for god knows how long. "Come inside. Come to bed." She felt Beca nodding into the crook of her neck. She took her back inside their apartment and Beca undressed, leaving her clothes in a pile on the floor. She accepted the too-long pajama pants and shirt because it was downright freezing and climbed into her side of the bed. Aubrey wrapped her arm over her.

"Bree, I want us to be together again," Beca said. "The way we were. And I-"

"We can talk tomorrow," Aubrey said. "About all the ways I'm going to make it up to you."

"I was just going to say that I swear I'm going to quit smoking," Beca said. "I shouldn't have started but I'm going to give it up. I just didn't know what to do with myself without you."

"You had cigarettes, I had scotch," Aubrey said. "But it doesn't matter now, because we have each other again." Beca smiled sleepily and turned into Aubrey's body, getting as close as she could. Aubrey held on even tighter, promising herself that she'd never let go again, and fell asleep with a smile on her face for the first time in two months.


End file.
